Anger within
Posted onJune 15, 2007
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i feel furious. i just don’t know why whenever things happen this way, i feel furious. things are starting to get shitty again. seriously i’m afraid that all these will affect my emotions, thus my emotions will affect people around me, especially people that i love and care of. why on earth are there such idiots who like to spoil my day? plans have always being delayed, or canceled because of them. and yet they take it for granted that it is suppose to be like that. can’t idiots be a little more considerate rather than being a totally idiotic idiot? must they apply everything from their name to themselves? i tolerate myself for them, but do they do the same back? NO!! NO!! NO!! nothing like that will ever happen and if it does, i think the sun is gonna rise from the west side. i seriously feel like an absolute jerk following foot steps. sometimes things are flexible but yet idiots make it so impossible to be.
oh do you know what the heck am i actually doing right now? shaking me bolas and wasting me precious time. oh yes you’re absolutely correct, i delayed my plans for today as much as 4 hours, and i finally canceled it 40 minutes ago. this ain’t right, but is there anyone else that feels the same way like i do? or is everybody else too chicken or coward to voice out? or am i the one who’s chickening out? i don’t really blog but whenever i do, that means i’m unhappy and at the same time wasting my freakin’ precious time doing nothing but shaking me bolas.
yes, i can feel that i’m being emotional right now. that’s the result of being extremely imbalanced. oh what? life is like that? OH HELL NO!!! there is a balance in life, all it needs is a little bit of tolerance and concern.
it has been proven that whenever things on my side is starting to turn better, somehow in someway that screwed ups are just around me. that means that i’ll never have good things around me for long. things get worsen whenever it starts to turn better. i’ve been in shitty situations more than enough and seriously i’m tired and exhausted of them.
no regrets for admitting this but once i see a good opportunity, i’ll grab it and move on with it.
this SUCKS man!
the pattern of life
Posted onJune 10, 2007
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ups and downs are all around, the only way to survive i guess is to float along with the flow? if there’s a way for me to go against them, i would love to learn it. i don’t wanna stay at this very level, working hard on learning to reach another higher level.
confession
Posted onMay 29, 2007
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Mistakes has been repeating, confession has been made, chances are given, words are said, changes has to be done, the learning progress is still on going and it will never end. Trying is not the way but making it happen is. Time is the key to a better future.
moved on, or still moving on?
Posted onMay 7, 2007
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did i move on or i’m still moving on? i guess i did, but still that funny kinky feeling is there. well, i don’t really know how am i suppose to put these feeling in words, but here goes..
i’m like standing in the middle of a room with no borders and endings. i can’t even see a thing in this ocean wide room. it seems more empty than ever. i do see fishes jump out from the water once in a while, but it ain’t easy to catch it. its like trying to tell me "try catch me if u can", i dunno whether am i trying or not, but it just feels like floating around me. sometimes its in front of me, sometimes its behind, sometimes is right beside me. are all these illusions? hallucinations? or is it real? that’s the thing that i’m so confused right now.
am i moving too fast or am i too slow? sometimes its in front of me, sometimes its at the back of me. but there are times when we are side by side, but the thing is this only occurs once in a blue moon. or has it been always around but i myself was somehow blinded and didn’t notice its existence? i saw it moving around me, but not as visible as it seems.
well, i think i’ve moved on, if not, i wouldn’t even feel that kind of feeling now would it? beats the shit outta me…
emptiness..
Posted onApril 11, 2007
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i’m floating in a very very wide space.. can’t find the right port to hold on to.. still floating, waiting to reach the right port to get on hold to it.
facing the fact of reality
Posted onApril 9, 2007
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the truth is, life is cruel. it doesn’t get to its best. whenever things starts to turn better, some other things will make it worse. i really don’t know how should i manage all these kind of problems when they all come in one shot at me. deal with the more important ones then only the less important ones? well, i’ve tried and what do i get in the end? emptiness.. is that the only result that i can get for all the things that i’ve done? why can’t things be as simple as possible? why do they have to be so complicated that everytime i face it, it screws me up? oh yeah, i’m not being pesimistic but just facing the fact. well, people used to say that money is not everything. but to me, money in fact is everything. why am i saying that? ok, here’s an example: when u’re sick, u need to go visit the doctor, u pay the doctor medical fee. U USED MONEY IN ORDER TO GAIN HEALTH. when u’re in love with someone, in order to pleased the person u loved, and also in order to bring that person for movies, dinners, n so on, what do u do? U USED MONEY IN ORDER TO GAIN LOVE AND HAPPINESS. what is it that doesn’t require money? the 2 examples that i mentioned above is good enough to proove that MONEY IS SO IMPORTANT THAT IT COULD CHANGE A PERSON’S LIFE. that is so true. when u’re rich, u tend to spend more, u tend to eat better, u tend to "upgrade" things around u. yes, well, the normal human mentality is MATERIALISTIC. who doesn’t want to drive nice cars? who doesn’t want to stay in big houses? who doesn’t want to wear branded clothings? who doesn’t want to be in love? who doesn’t want to be healthy? everyone wants all of the above, but still, in order to obtain every single thing as mentioned above, we have to be RICH. in another words, MONEY IS EVERYTHING. RICH FUCKS RULES, middle class people will have to face all sorts of problems. sometimes i do wonder how realistic and materialistic can someone be..
HELL experience
Posted onApril 3, 2007
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few words to describe how does HELL feels like:
1. madness
2. insanity
3. reckless
4. brainless
5. cruel
6. inhumanity
7. screwed up
8. idiotic
9. paranoid
10. cruelty
what else can i say about HELL? i’m getting paranoid and that’s for sure. everyone around me starts to ask me whether am i doin’ fine, am i okay. sometimes i really dunno how to answer them. whether should i tell them the truth or should i just lie about the real thing that’s happening to me now.
i really don’t know what exactly should i do now. it seems like i’m out of options, or is just that i don’t wanna face the fact that things are mend to be that way, so i should go with the flow? no way, i build my own future, i build my own career, and that’s why i am not gonna be trapped here like this.
this is something that i always tell myself:"opportunity doesn’t come often, so once you see that the right opportunity is here, capture it, and never let go.." sounds like one of Eminem’s song? well hell yeah man, that’s what life is about, that is the fact and the reality. cruelty is the word to describe how life is now days. in order to survive and to be successful, you have to be either extremely good, or the other way round, which normally people wouldn’t say that they are, extremely bad. well bad in the sense that you have to be cunning enough to cheat people, or another word is to earn their money. business? well yeah, business is about trading goods or services for money. but do businessmen trade their goods by cost price? NO! they mark up price and stuffs to enhance the quality of the goods or services that they provide, so they can earn money. in a good way to say that is they are doin’ business, but
if you were to talk realistically, its cheating.
i felt bad and sorry to be so straight forward about the reality of life, but that’s the thing that i’ve seen from life. i should say that i’m glad because i’ve changed few jobs and those experience made me someone who i am today. i somehow can see things that some other people couldn’t see.
i must move on and not to be stuck here lookin’ like an idiotic fool.
journey through hell
Posted onApril 2, 2007
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this is the 2nd week of my journey through hell. "Only crazy people work on sunday" that’s what my friend told me recently. if that’s the case, how about people who worked till 5am in the morning and has to get back to work at 9am in the morning? BRAINLESS? all these turns out to be nothing but tiredness.. money wise is still okay, but what’s the use if i don’t get to maximize my capability? i’m an artistic person, not wanting to praise myself, and i want to fully utilize my artistic sense, get in touch more with arts stuffs. but now, it seems like i’m only doin what others are also capable of doin, which is moving things around, carrying heavy stuffs, etc etc. all these can be also done by other people, right? the ancient chinese used to say:"英雄无用武之地" that means someone with talents can’t fully utilize the talents.
sometimes i really feel frustrated of what i’m doin now as i don’t really see where am i going. yea, u might say that "here goes the same old excuse from this idiot again" well, i seriously don’t mind if u people really think this way, but try to step into my shoes and u will find out what kind of shitty situations am i in right now. oh god.. i’m standing right now at a junction where i have to choose to go to HEAVEN or HELL..
Tattoo
Posted onMarch 27, 2007
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i have been thinking of this for the past few years but still nothing has been done yet, but not, i’ve finally made up my mind to give myself a tatt. alright, where do people, guys, normally does their tattoos? arms, back, shoulder, calf? but does everyone look nice with tattoos on? i have been surfing for tattoo pictures over the internet lately and i realized that western countries’ people look nice in a way with tattoos on their body, well i’m talking about the averages, not those extremist.
few years back, while i was still in high school, tattoo to people is something that only people from the triads will do. but as time goes by, as people get more exposure from the western countries, they start to accept tattoo not as a triad thing, but as a body art. some people does tattoo because people around them has at least one on their body, and they too want to be in the group, and that’s why they did their tattoo. there was once i heard an artist from a Hong Kong band saying that every single tattoo has a story behind it. i too have stories behind the tattoos that i’m gonna have.
what kind of tattoo am i gonna do? which part of my body will i have my tattoo on? well, all these will be enclosed later on when i got them done. this will happen in the very near future. no point talking about it day and night but not taking up any actions.
some changes has to be made
Posted onMarch 15, 2007
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i am in the mid of a no-off-days working period, and this period will last as long as 14 weeks. this is insane! no one wants to be in this kind of lifestyle. not even a labour wants this. yeah man, i don’t really know if you can imagine how BAD is my situation right now, but all that i can tell you is that YOU DON’T WANNA KNOW!! this is not human! i feel that i’m more like a robot, a machine which is 200% devoted to the company. god damn?!
i’m planning to go for a back-packing journey. when? where? how long? i seriously have no freakin’ idea man. i can only say that when the time comes, i will know where my destination is. honestly, i’m kinda sick and tired of the malaysian lifestyle. i want a breakthrough! i want to do something that all malaysians have wanted to do but then they didn’t have the courage and the chance to do it. malaysians are so timid! dare not try out new things! always stick to existing things and easily satisfied with what they have. that is so malaysian.
