emptiness..
i’m floating in a very very wide space.. can’t find the right port to hold on to.. still floating, waiting to reach the right port to get on hold to it.
facing the fact of reality
the truth is, life is cruel. it doesn’t get to its best. whenever things starts to turn better, some other things will make it worse. i really don’t know how should i manage all these kind of problems when they all come in one shot at me. deal with the more important ones then only the less important ones? well, i’ve tried and what do i get in the end? emptiness.. is that the only result that i can get for all the things that i’ve done? why can’t things be as simple as possible? why do they have to be so complicated that everytime i face it, it screws me up? oh yeah, i’m not being pesimistic but just facing the fact. well, people used to say that money is not everything. but to me, money in fact is everything. why am i saying that? ok, here’s an example: when u’re sick, u need to go visit the doctor, u pay the doctor medical fee. U USED MONEY IN ORDER TO GAIN HEALTH. when u’re in love with someone, in order to pleased the person u loved, and also in order to bring that person for movies, dinners, n so on, what do u do? U USED MONEY IN ORDER TO GAIN LOVE AND HAPPINESS. what is it that doesn’t require money? the 2 examples that i mentioned above is good enough to proove that MONEY IS SO IMPORTANT THAT IT COULD CHANGE A PERSON’S LIFE. that is so true. when u’re rich, u tend to spend more, u tend to eat better, u tend to "upgrade" things around u. yes, well, the normal human mentality is MATERIALISTIC. who doesn’t want to drive nice cars? who doesn’t want to stay in big houses? who doesn’t want to wear branded clothings? who doesn’t want to be in love? who doesn’t want to be healthy? everyone wants all of the above, but still, in order to obtain every single thing as mentioned above, we have to be RICH. in another words, MONEY IS EVERYTHING. RICH FUCKS RULES, middle class people will have to face all sorts of problems. sometimes i do wonder how realistic and materialistic can someone be..
HELL experience
few words to describe how does HELL feels like:
1. madness
2. insanity
3. reckless
4. brainless
5. cruel
6. inhumanity
7. screwed up
8. idiotic
9. paranoid
10. cruelty
what else can i say about HELL? i’m getting paranoid and that’s for sure. everyone around me starts to ask me whether am i doin’ fine, am i okay. sometimes i really dunno how to answer them. whether should i tell them the truth or should i just lie about the real thing that’s happening to me now.
i really don’t know what exactly should i do now. it seems like i’m out of options, or is just that i don’t wanna face the fact that things are mend to be that way, so i should go with the flow? no way, i build my own future, i build my own career, and that’s why i am not gonna be trapped here like this.
this is something that i always tell myself:"opportunity doesn’t come often, so once you see that the right opportunity is here, capture it, and never let go.." sounds like one of Eminem’s song? well hell yeah man, that’s what life is about, that is the fact and the reality. cruelty is the word to describe how life is now days. in order to survive and to be successful, you have to be either extremely good, or the other way round, which normally people wouldn’t say that they are, extremely bad. well bad in the sense that you have to be cunning enough to cheat people, or another word is to earn their money. business? well yeah, business is about trading goods or services for money. but do businessmen trade their goods by cost price? NO! they mark up price and stuffs to enhance the quality of the goods or services that they provide, so they can earn money. in a good way to say that is they are doin’ business, but
if you were to talk realistically, its cheating.
i felt bad and sorry to be so straight forward about the reality of life, but that’s the thing that i’ve seen from life. i should say that i’m glad because i’ve changed few jobs and those experience made me someone who i am today. i somehow can see things that some other people couldn’t see.
i must move on and not to be stuck here lookin’ like an idiotic fool.
journey through hell
this is the 2nd week of my journey through hell. "Only crazy people work on sunday" that’s what my friend told me recently. if that’s the case, how about people who worked till 5am in the morning and has to get back to work at 9am in the morning? BRAINLESS? all these turns out to be nothing but tiredness.. money wise is still okay, but what’s the use if i don’t get to maximize my capability? i’m an artistic person, not wanting to praise myself, and i want to fully utilize my artistic sense, get in touch more with arts stuffs. but now, it seems like i’m only doin what others are also capable of doin, which is moving things around, carrying heavy stuffs, etc etc. all these can be also done by other people, right? the ancient chinese used to say:"英雄无用武之地" that means someone with talents can’t fully utilize the talents.
sometimes i really feel frustrated of what i’m doin now as i don’t really see where am i going. yea, u might say that "here goes the same old excuse from this idiot again" well, i seriously don’t mind if u people really think this way, but try to step into my shoes and u will find out what kind of shitty situations am i in right now. oh god.. i’m standing right now at a junction where i have to choose to go to HEAVEN or HELL..
