discovering new boundaries
after a whole stretch of long holiday, i step back into the office again, finally. there was a file on my table, with notes pasted on the front cover, telling me things that i have to do.. at that very moment, i realize that things aren’t as bad as they seem. then i wonder was i the one who thought too much? why don’t i just leave it to fate? let good times flow over to me slowly and by the time i manage to take them all up in one shot, that’s the time when i will feel that i finally learnt something new..
i am a person full of grievances, and they all come from the espects of life that i’ve been through. i won’t say that i’m a pesimistic person, but i admit that i was once not long ago. i believe in myself that one day i’ll change myself into an optimistic person and i think i’ve done it. at least now i can tell myself "hey dude, u finally did something that u’re proud of urself!!"
oh and i found out that i have terribly bad english vocabulary. my girlfriend told me that i should read more. well, i like reading though, but only reading on things that catches my attention, is that too much? come to think of it, i feel that i need more readings in order to enhance my english, i find my language skills are no longer powerful, but powderful. yeah, that’s right. i need to restore my vocabs back. guess what? i learn the word "grievances" from a friend, haha.. how silly i am??
i think i’ll have to study the oxford dictionary. that is the only thing that will help me improve mu language power. god damn?! what the hell am i talking about? sigh, aight, see ya, peace..
i am sick, damn!
tmr will be da working week again, after a week of holiday, and finally i fell sick.. it’s a really funny phenomenon, as last week i was telling myself that i had not fall sick for quite some time, and i was wondering when will i be sick again.. and now, i’m finally sick, what can i say? i was the one who asked for it.. damn!!
the thing about not talking bad about urself is kinda true, u know? don’t ever ask urself about bad things that might happen on u, or else u will end up something like me.. well, luckily its is only "sickness" and its not other things that are worse.. phew…
i think i know why am i sick, coz i haven’t drink any coffee for the past few days, haha, lack of caffaine inside my blood flow.. need coffee desperately.. is there anyone out there who can treat me to a cup of nice aroma coffee?? hehe
yeap, year end is around the corner and everyone is kinda busy with their work. preparing for next year’s budget and also other espects in the company. hmm.. i wonder what will come to me in the near future? preassure? stress? tension? burden? or what? as i know, after entering into the real world, things have not been easy for me, i’m not sure about the others but i’m pretty sure that they are quite difficult for me. i can’t effort to avoid them coz if i do, i might miss out the golden opportunity to learn something new from it.
aight, gotta go now.. not feeling well, sober feeing… sigh..
not a very good sign
after a whole week of not working and just purely eating and watching TV programmes, i notice that i’m putting on weight again. that is seriously not a very good sign. not working, not moving any muscles, not using any energy in my body.. sigh..
well, i’ve always wanted to tone up my body, throw away those flabby parts, yucks!! sigh, i guess i’ll have to start it all over again since i’m gaining weight again.. ermm, it has been a very meaningful holiday as i got to meet my mum for a week, followed her to malacca to visit my aunt and also my cousin sister. it was really a good holiday trip.. spend precious time with my mum and also my darling.. hehe, well, i do hope that mum could stay here longer but no point when i start work..
and now, i’m really looking forward to CNY as that will be the only holiday that i’m able to go back to my hometown to visit all family and friends. it has been a while since i seen them, i’d rather miss them actually.. sigh.. i’ve been away from them for such a long time and even i myself didn’t really realize that until now.. wow, what kind of person am i huh?
oh well, 1 more day and i’m back into my process of climbing the corporate ladder. alright, to whoever that happens to read this crappy blog of mine, good luck with whatever that u r in, whether it is ur career or ur studies, just do ur best and believe in urself that one fine day u will be someone useful to the society and the world. good luck! cheers mate!! =)
escape from the hecticness of the concrete jungle..
well, didn’t expect to leave the city that never sleeps.. but i did, and now, i’m in malacca.. didn’t really expect to come here as i was only planning to meet my mum up at sunway for a drink or for dinner, eventually they planned to come over to malacca to visit my aunt and cousin, thus we came here yesterday. went over to jonkers’ street and was amazed by the Cultural Street. there were hell lotsa people doin’ business there, selling goods like clothes and slippers, foods and drinks.. there were even nice cafes along jonkers’ street. and guess what? finally i saw the pub that was in the movie <<Summer More More Tea>> starring Richie Ren and Sammy Cheng. i always thought that the pub was somewhere in redang island, or at least somewhere near to redang island, like terengganu or kuantan.. phew, it was quite an experience. foods were extremely cheap compared to those that were sold back in KL, the difference were at least RM1.00 cheaper than KL, and that’s quite a lot man..
i was planning to give a ‘famosa a visit but unfortunately we woke up too late this morning (22nd oct 2006) haha, no choice but to cancel the trip to a ‘famosa and will only try to come over some other time.
well, we’ll be leaving malacca, heading back to the concrete jungle tomorrow.. gonna smell and breathe haze. wow, what an adventure, cool.. durh?! do u think that’s good for health? hell no man.. don’t know when will i get another chance to visit malacca but i believe it won’t be long from now..
got lost somewhere
deepavali and hari raya is around the corner, everyone is so happy and can’t wait to go back to their hometown.. but i am not goin anywhere this time, coz my mama will be coming down to KL. that’s great as i’ve not seen her since chinese new year.. wow, some of u people who read my blog might say that i’m not a good son coz i don’t really take the effort to go back to my hometown to visit my folks. well, i do miss them, seriously. but i can’t go back to them whenever i want to as i have to work, and its not cheap now days to travel. i wouldn’t mind if i am getting more that what i get now, but no, and that’s why its kinda hard for me to do so. but still, i’m glad that they understand my situation and they don’t ever forced me to do things or go places that i don’t wanna go. all that i want now is to do something to prove to them that me, their only son is capable in taking care of the whole family. that is also why i have to get myself into a better working environment. someone told me some inspirational stuffs earlier, which says :" don’t be afraid to try." well hell yeah, i truly agree with that. sigh, do u guys know what time it is? its almost time for me to get my ass up and leave the office n head back home!! gotta take a good rest for the week to come.
just one last thing before i push da off button on my desktop, happy deepavali and selamat hari raya to everyone! cheers!
another day in a box
didn’t really have things to do today, just finished sketching a loading bay layout for the venue of the up-coming event next year. and now, i’m just sitting in front of this small little box, inside a bigger box. sometimes i do feel like i wanna forget about every little elements in life, and just be no one for a period of time.
people tells me that life is wonderful, its very colourful and it tastes like chocolate. i do agree with that but with one condition, that will be when the person is capable of earning, spending and saving money at the same time. just look at this scenario, someone who works regularly, and can go to restaurants, cafes, or even clubbing every once in a while, and yet the person can still save up money, and he or she has his or her own car n own house. wouldn’t that be nice it someday everyone in this world is like that? i don’t know if i’m thinking rasionally but i can say, that is what i want to achieve in my life.
"i notice that i talked too much about my lifestyle. but i’m not ashamed of myself as i know that there will be people who can give me guidance and also advices in order for me to be where i wanna be in the future. at least i got to express myself here, in the cyberworld, where things aren’t as harsh as those that are in the real world that we’re leaving in."
i wonder, how does it feel to live in the cyber world, surrounded by circuit boards, chips, etc.. being controlled by others.. sigh, i’m not thinking straight again..
western culture.. is it applicable to malaysia?
i got in touch back with my uncle and auntie who has been living in the states for about 30 years recently. i was talking to them about my lifestyle here in malaysia and how are things here. they too told me about their lifestyle over there in the states, and also gave me some useful and inspirational thoughts of life.
suprizingly, people in the states move a lot in order to adapt to the fast paste and also to survive. we malaysians will stick onto a job when we feel that it is suitable and they give good benefits. that means, we only know what we are doing, and if we were to venture out of the box into another field, we are DEAD!! yes, averagely people in the states changes jobs once every 3 to 5 years. but we malaysians can stick to a job for 10 to 20 years.. my goodness, that is one hell lot of difference right? but still, after analyzing the situation, i realize that the difference are becaused of the cultures of both countries. it is totally different! but what if we can apply it to our culture, will it benefit us? its cool that people moved on after few years of working in a place, and bring along things that they have learn from the previous company to the new company. and also, they get promoted for experiences that they have. sigh, what if we can do that here in malaysia huh?
amazed by my own stupidity..
i learned how to use a binding machine today, woaahh, hell yeah man.. i’ve always thought that it was easy until today, finally i had a close encounter with a binding machine, and out of my expectation, it was kinda easy for the 1st 2 steps, where u punch small little holes along the edge of the documents that u wanna bind up, then place the documents into da binding rings. here comes the tricky part, i had to tighten da binding rings using the machine so that the documents won’t fall apart. well, as usual, i did what those stationary shop people do, pressing the level down. unfortunately i did it a little too hard, as a result, the rings were all bended, i screwed it up.. after that, only i realized that there was a shallow stop when i pressed the level down, apparently i didn’t notice that was the "stopping point" of binding the documents, and i kept pressing till it really "STOPS"!! then only i found out that the rings were all out of shape.. shame of me.. don’t u think so? haha, but its really a good experience, well, at least i know how to use a binding machine now.. hehehe..
oh did i ever mention that i was the mascot for a roadshow? haha, i’ve always wanted to be in one, and i did it, yeah, sweat like hell, that’s the only thing that i can relate to being a mascot.. but it was cool.. no one knows who u r, but only the character they see.. hmmm.. those are good experience for me to advance in my career.. don’t u think so?
i moved on: meaningless job..
i’ve been doing this for the past few days and i dunno what else can i do.. i’ve been onlining n chatting on msn, posting blogs, watching videos, looking for mobile phones, doing nothing but crap over the past few days.. did i made the wrong decision? well, i don’t even know whether did i pick the right company or the right job man.. seriously i’m not regret, but its just that i don’t wanna work like i’m not working and updating blogs n stuffs.. this is bullshit man!! again, i feel like i’m wasting my time where i’m suppose to be learning new things by now.. i don’t wanna wait any longer as i can feel that time for me is running out.. i’m getting older and still i can’t see any results from my life after so many years of working, i do pray to god to enlighten my life.. god, bless me with everything u have..
my trueself
sometimes i do feel like its not easy being me. things just seem to happen against my wish. all i ever wanted in life is just being as simple as possible, yet things aren’t the way i wanted. i know i’ve always told people that life is a learning curve. but things which are similar keep happening over and over again. does this means that i keep on failing the "exam of life"? how many times more do i have to sit for this "exam of life" until i can really graduate? i don’t repeat mistakes that i’ve done, yet i’m still doing the wrong thing. i don’t wanna be a failure in my life, that’s why i always do the best i can out of my life. but things just doen’t seem to be right, they keep screwing up and that makes my life not easy to live in. i know that i must not give up so easily but still, i did thought of giving up. does giving up means suicide or just be someone useless? or just stick to whatever that i have right now and not to aim higher than where i am now? seriously i can’t affort to do that as i will be the main support for my family in a very very short period of time. sometimes i just can’t take the screwing ups and then look for solutions to solve the problems, and eventually they will still come back no matter what i do to minimize them. is there any posibility to stop the problems from coming back to me over and over again? or am i fated to face those unnecessary problems? sigh, live is not easy at all. sometimes i just wish that i was still a kid, going to school everyday, do homework, go for sports, watch TV, play games, etc. i know that’s impossible but i really hope that i’m still a kid. i changed myself in order for me to become a better person, and yet the changes that i made lead to misunderstandings. honestly, i was a very pesimistic person before, eventually i tried very hard to become someone who is an optimist. i was happy that i finally did it, after the efforts that i put into. now, i’m actually worried if i’m being too optimistic, being someone who is optimistic turns out to be not sensitive enough to the others. not concerning enough, lack of caring. i am really confused and i feel that i’m breaking down. i just hope that someone would enlighten me up and tell me that its ok for those mistakes that i’ve done, forgive me and get on with life. i really don’t know what else to do but to appologize. that’s the best that i can do with my capability.
to all my friends out there, if u guys and girls happen to read this stupid blog of mine, do me a favour. pray for me that my life would turn better. thanks a million and god bless all of u!
